Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
