we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
