i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
