A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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