they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
