apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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