A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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