Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
