the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
