You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
