i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
