He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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