I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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