It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
