It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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