my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have fence marks all over my body
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