My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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