put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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