Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
