Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
