I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
