I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
