I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
