I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
