I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
