im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
