she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just had sex on a roof
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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