Do you still have your period?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
