You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
