My friends, they love my intelligence
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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