if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
home. puking in laundry basket.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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