it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize