we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
