I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is my gift to your gina
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
