I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
there is puke in my bra ... again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
