i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
