Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just pee around me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
