Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
