Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
