I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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