im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
