This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
