dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fill condoms, not promises.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
