my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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