I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A bitchslap is in order.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
