If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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