I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
