A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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