I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Screwed.edu
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
