i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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