I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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