This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
