I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
