this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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