I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
