She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
