Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
