3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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