I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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