The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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