you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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