see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
