You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
