What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
